1. |
Origin Story
02:30
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i’m working on a really cool origin story
just to remember how i got to this morning
i’m gonna tell myself that i’ve been through hell
i think it suits me well
i’m gonna throw a seance for my low spirits
saying gather ‘round and tell me how am i feeling
we’re living in an advent calendar, it’s hiding away
a new exciting disappointment every day
don’t be honest with me
just leave me dying on this hill
with what i want to believe
i’m already exactly as free i care to be
so don’t be honest with me
i’m working on the miracle cure for awareness
like everybody wants to grow up to be careless
i’m gonna sell it in the dead of night on cable tv
five easy payments of hydroxytryptamine
i’m manifesting a beautiful life!
i demand positive vibes!
i’m already a little more free than i care to be
so don’t be honest with me
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2. |
Midnight Math
03:00
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i’ve been doing midnight math
to calculate how long the party lasts
looking for the perfect place
to wonder if we made enough mistakes
we had a real good run
but think of all the drugs we could’ve done
it’s probably too late now
it would just be kind of sad to see us tripping out
‘cause lately i’ve been studying you in my sleep
trying to comprehend you in proportion to me
hoping i unrecognize your face before i dig too deep
and find out that you’re all that i need
i heard you were doing midnight math
just trying to divide me from your past
but i knew we were meant for more
so i found the key and rushed up to your door
it turns out there ain’t no lock
just a “sorry that you missed us” cardboard clock
it keeps reassuring me
that it’s just like in the movies
yeah just not the ones i’ve seen
‘cause lately i’ve been studying you in my sleep
trying to comprehend you in proportion to me
spiraling like fire spreading wild across the drive-in screen
like it’s opening night for my dreams
hey life’s a beach
and happiness is skipping rope with grief
so i’m holding tight
committing to the bit that we’re alright
‘cause it’s all just midnight math
when they multiply you by your better half
the equation’s never done
but i’m finding out that sometimes love
is shutting the fuck up
so lately i’ve been studying you in my sleep
trying not to contemplate the chances you’ll leave
praying we’re adjacent when we wake up from the make believe
hope you’re making sense of me
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3. |
Evelyn
03:21
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if i die of nostalgia you’ll be fine
just sell my realizations
and go buy something nice
until then we can start a cult
paint crossbones underneath our skulls
but you keep planting flowers in the fireplace
you might be onto something
if it weren’t so cold these days
you’re just trying to be sensible
but the future’s hypothetical
i just wanna be part of your plan
for as long as i can
but it’s out of my hands
see i keep getting fevers in half my head
but you’ve got my attention
or however much is left
thanks for teaching me the easy way
that you don’t have to hate your pain
kinda miss being part of your plan
even if we crash land
call me back if you can
if you’re willing to leave it to chance
i can be your point man
i can be your stagehand
evelyn i wander past your house
every couple weeks now
i’ve been starting to cut down
still i’d like to see your face again
at least once more before we’re dead
don’t know how that conversation ends
but at least the scars are permanent
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4. |
Act My Age
02:53
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i had a good time with the ghosts on the internet
but apparently it’s time to find my name on the manifest
outdated alchemy behind my mind
saying bad things happen when you’re fucking with time
yeah sure i guess i’ll act my age
act my age
act my age
they’re gonna have to drag me off the stage
i tried to make room for the reapers to congregate
now i think they’re overpopulating my theta state
expired software glitching out my brain
see bad things happen when you’re acting your age
but sure i guess i’ll act my age
act my age
act my age
they’re gonna have to drag me off the stage
i think i’ve seen you at the vanishing point
said my disillusion kind of seems like a choice
well just watch me when i act my age
act my age
act my age
till they drag me off the stage
i just wanna act my age
build my cage
kill my days
what’s not to love about change?
so catch me thriving in a fast-paced environment
gonna hang a bunch of shelves and maybe save for retirement
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5. |
Meet Me in the Darkroom
02:37
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growing up face to face
throwing dice every day
to decide our traits
should’ve known you would be
twice as clever as me
what a cold relief
josie i’ll act my best
beat the polygraph test
if it helps you breathe
meet me in the darkroom, darling
let’s develop some new bad habits
grow into each other’s damage
and just see how things shake out
you and me under siege
looking up to the east
has it been five days?
i thought love was fight or flight
but i don’t wanna be right
so let’s help each other change
meet me in the darkroom, darling
let’s make prints of our strangest feelings
paste them up all across our ceiling
and see what that spells out
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6. |
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there’s a tree that they keep in a cage
on a manicured lawn three blocks from our place
i don’t know if it did something wrong
but i’m willing to bet that it won’t from now on
your guess is as good as mine
i see the blue washing out of your hair
getting fainter each day ’til it’s gasping for air
just don’t ask how we’re staying afloat
yeah it is what it is, you’ll survive ’til you don’t
but your guess is as good as mine
the secret’s out, there’s nothing new
i’m getting used to not having a clue
peace of mind or point of view
it’s getting late and we may have to choose
i can live with that
how about you?
seems like the floor’s getting further away these days
but i’m checking my height and i think it’s the same
i’m not sure if i’ll ever feel well
god i hope that we’re more than the things that we’ve felt
but your guess is as good as mine
the secret’s out, there’s nothing new
i’m getting used to not having a clue
peace of mind or point of view
it’s getting late and we may have to choose
i can live with that
how about you?
there’s a hell of a party upstairs
nobody’s hosting but everyone’s there
i’m not sure why we all have to go
but i’m willing to bet we’re not going alone
but your guess is as good as mine
so what if we’re right?
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7. |
Carol's First Bad Summer
03:04
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i used to be afraid of the beach
i used to keep away from the city streets
and i just lied and said i am who i am
the sum of my hesitations
now i still feel guilty when i give in
like half a fucking milligram’s a cardinal sin
but i admit i think i like who i am
when i’m taking medication
‘cause i didn’t plan to have a panic attack
in the sepulveda pass
but i could’ve made it count for something
a productive interruption
but hey your brother’s getting married
and your hackles are up
what the fuck?
‘cause we’re still playing dreamcast
on the floor of his room
trying not to make the sun rise
‘cause there’s leaves to rake outside
what if i started taking care of my health?
what if i told my family how i felt?
do you think the ground would open up and swallow me?
probably spontaneously
‘cause i didn’t mean to make a hell of a scene
thought i was dead at sixteen
but i could’ve learned some kind of lesson
what a waste of epinephrine
but hey your friends are outside waiting
and you’re nursing your nerves
what a curse
and now we’re making school films
in the basement again
oh shit i think we’re problematic
but time was real
we had it
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8. |
Last Day of the Year
03:35
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it’s the last day of the year so far
just one more chance to leave a mark
the hindsight’s gonna burn across our skyline
no matter when tomorrow starts
it’s my first time getting off this ride
man i just wanted something true to life
but i think i’ve broken every wall except the fourth one
should i give the hammer one more try?
congratulations i guess
you couldn’t care any less
time is ending all the time
but i keep waking up
so ’til the credits roll
maybe i’ll try to get some sun
the simulation’s shaking loose
i’m getting tired of the deja vu
my mother’s throwing knives around my outline
i might shift over an inch or two
congratulations i guess
we’re gonna die at our best
time is ending all the time
but i keep waking up
so ’til the credits roll
maybe i’ll try to get some sun
so i was hoping we could wait things out
together in some country house
and we’ll memorize our lines and smile and try hard
to love the way we look right now
‘cause it’s the last day of our lives you know
unless there’s somewhere else to go
if we make it to the weekend
and they greenlight a new season
let’s at least pretend to like this show
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9. |
Runner's Heart
03:55
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i’ve got a runner’s heart
from worrying all the time
there’s not an inch of my skin
that doesn’t burn in fluorescent light
but everybody’s sorting out their pain
to make for better company
and when i taste my blood
it’s just a little less bitter than it used to be
what a mystery
is your life just happening to you?
you don’t really want control do you?
you know losing doesn’t hurt like it used to
i should’ve gotten old sooner
i’ve got a hunter’s eye
that only works there’s faults to find
you’ve got a gardener’s touch
and i’m corrupting the whole damn vine
and all the horoscopes are talking trash
i think my brain’s in retrograde
so when i do my best
it’s like i’m fighting a planetary stalemate
but i’m feeling great
is your life just happening to you?
you don’t really want control do you?
you know losing doesn’t hurt like it used to
i should’ve gotten old sooner
guess i don’t miss too much
about the people i used to be
they’re all just cynical faces
laid out in rows on a character screen
but every now and then i call one up
to hear them breathe on the other line
i think i hear the call waiting tone
i bet that’s me checking in from the next life
i should answer, right?
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